WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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