so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
