Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
