There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
