No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Of course I have a pirate flag
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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