i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
