I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
