Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
