oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
