Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
