So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
