dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
