Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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