I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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