so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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