I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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