You really coming over, don't trick.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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