Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
