I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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