All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
