and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He felt like a one man threesome
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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