fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
