Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
