walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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