my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
