I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
