I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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