Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
