i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I think people are normalizing furries
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
