Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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