Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
