i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
