Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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