how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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