Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
