just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
