I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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