I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
