Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
