Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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