the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
