hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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