Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
