You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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