I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
