Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
