yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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