He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
