why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
