Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
