Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
