Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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