why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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