I accidentally burped into my bong.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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