Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
