I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
